Remembrance 2020

Remembrance Sunday was different this year for lots of reasons. Well, everything's different this year, but remembrance had a special poignancy this year. At the front door in relative silence with only another two couples sharing the moment, we just remembered. Not with any links to the forces; not even with much feeling of thankfulness for those who had gone before (well a bit......limited by our poor understanding of their reality) but kind of united in remembering and missing our dads.

I took a few moments at his grave later in the afternoon, but didn't mention to anyone, although part of me wanted to......why is that? Did I want people to know? Would I be looking for their respect, or praise or even just recognition that I did something they hadn't thought about......well done me? Ah well. No point now. I do want the headstone up though. I want to mark the place. I want to stand in silence and look and read and cry. And be thankful. And feel a little sorry and sad for the end game. But not to bring any "I wish I had......" futile sob stories to that place. 

I watched the most beautiful video today. If I knew how, I'd link it in here. I had to watch it twice.....and might watch again. I filled up. A description would be wrong because it could never do justice to the purity and power of the dance.

https://twitter.com/search?q=marta+gonzalez&ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Esearch

That might work....who knows. Apparently Marta C Gonzalez died last year. 

So what else is there. We hit the 365 mark since the wee hoover man passed on to repair the celestial washing machines and vacuums. That wasn't quite how we would have wanted it either, but got through it and that's good. 

Have I mentioned that Stu only has one kidney now since his spare one is making pish for Gavin? He had a good report from the consultant this week and seems to be doing pretty well. I just miss being able to be around to give him a hug and share this chapter of his life like a dad should. We keep saying COVID has resulted in some good things.........this isn't one of them.

Wonder if mum will still be around next Christmas. Wonder if I'll remember this blog, or ever read it again? What a crazy year. Wonder if my story in 12 months will still be one of "no regrets"? 

Hope so.

Think I might watch my dancer again and cry.